Contentment.

It has now been over a year since I moved to this country.

In this past year, I have learned so much about myself, about Russia (and Russians), and about life in general. I know it seems so cliche, but I know so much has changed. I can feel how I have changed. I know I have been forced to reconcile myself with moral and practical issues for the sake of inner peace and the peace of those around me. I have had some INSANE experiences, both good and bad. I have missed home, and I have ached to come back to Russia when I have left her. People have always told me that once you come here, you never want to leave. Something about being here draws you in deeper and deeper, and as much as you disdain some portions of life in Russia, there is always the fervent attachment. I know long after I have moved on, I will always remember and long for my life in Moscow. She molds your heart and your mind in such a way that only people who have felt what you have felt will understand. It's a love-hate relationship that seems like a terrible country song.

It's also strange to be repeating events of when I first arrived. I left California directly after my birthday. I have passed another birthday, and other calendar events when I heavily felt the weight of being so alone have come and gone again, but this time, with the company of dear friends whom I feel I have had for many, many years. It takes a while to make a life in a new place. I remember my mother distraughtly talking to me after the many moves she had made with my stepfather, and at the time, I don't think I fully understood how hard moves like that can be. I probably still don't fully understand, but I can at least sympathize a little bit.

My goals for coming here have remained the same. Nothing there has changed at all. I still fully intend to study Russian Literature, and I am still actively taking steps to learn Russian. It often feels like I have made little to no progress, and it is perpetually a discouraging situation to realize how far I still have to go. I can, however, look back on how much I spoke when I first arrived with pride because I know I have come much further than I realize.

Right now, I am happier and more contented that I ever have been with life. I realize these moments are fleeting because there are always improvements to be made--always. But right now, I can look out my window and see the beautiful city that I live in, with the ever-intriguing people that walk her streets, and I know that this is where God wanted me to be and I can see why.

Again....like a bad country song...sorry, guys. I really hate country.